Making a list, checking it twice…

by jlolb

The Christmas season–a time of love, happiness, togetherness, Santa, lots of smiling children, hot chocolate, and eggnog, right? Wrong. This morning I decided that I would try to go finish up the one seasonal task I find no delight in–Christmas shopping. I made a list of names and possible ideas. I’m trying to be organized. I dread shopping on the weekends at this time of year, but, of course, I have to get it done at some point. I knew as soon as I walked into Target that it was a bad idea.

There are all sorts of people sipping on their peppermint non-fat mocha lattes, meandering through the aisles without a care in the world–until their children come back into view at which point they start screaming and the caffeine high that they’re on makes their voices just chatter chatter chatter as they yell at little Tommy to stop pushing the cart into the clothes racks. Or, the one kid that decided he was done shopping and so just threw himself on the ground and grabbed onto the cart as his dad just drug him along. As I watched this all (and thanked the lord that I wasn’t shopping with child), I realized I was examining gift bows and wondering if I unravelled them, would there possibly be enough ribbon there to hang myself?

Anyway, after I realized that the ONE thing I wanted to purchase at Target was sold out, I looked at my other loot–shampoo, conditioner, deodorant. Once I made my way to the checkout I decided that no B.O. I could ever muster was bad enough to make myself stand in that line. I should probably apologize in advance to my coworkers–it might not be pretty tomorrow.

People also drive like they’ve lost their brain. Their whole brain. I almost got run over on three different occasions in parking lots as people zoomed passed my face, and the doink in the mini van clearly cannot read the big red sign that states DO NOT ENTER.

And that was just the first store!!! The mall. Oh, the mall. Forget about waterboarding, this is torture in the purest of forms. Shrieking children either super excited or super freaked out to see the fat guy in the big red suit. Parents pushing carts that were clearly not designed to be navigating through these jam packed stores, a frustrated customer wondering why she can’t use both 20% off coupons, and the poor cashier who looks like he would rather stick his head in the cash drawer and smash it shut a few times than be talking to this woman.

And don’t get me started on those bell-ringers. I understand the point–I think it’s a noble cause to be raising money for different organizations during the holiday season. But I’m not kidding, I think I’m going to start chucking quarters at every bell-ringer I see simply to make them stop the ringing.

Anyway, a couple hours later I finally made it home with a little larger dent in the list of shopping I need to do before next week. And at the end of it all, I can’t help but wonder, where can I buy some Christmas spirit?