Married with Children!?!?!

by jlolb

Sister: “You could be married with a baby on the way by now if you weren’t so stupid.”
Jamie: “You do realize that’s my worst nightmare realized??”

It seems that during the holidays, the fact that I don’t come in a pair is magnified a thousand times. Autumn comes home and brings that guy she married (who has yet to appear passed out on the bathroom floor, but don’t worry, there are many days to go), and her cute little baby. Their pair has become a trio. The high school sister brings the not high school boyfriend. I bring myself. Always. Stag is my trademark.

Now, see, the thing is, I don’t mind coming home alone. I can sleep when I want, drink what I want when I want, and worry about entertaining no one but myself. If I don’t want to shower for three days and revel in my greasiness I don’t have to worry about that guy looking at me and being disgusted! If I want to play Bejeweled online, I can. If I want to play tennis on the Wii with Brother in Law (BIL) I don’t have to worry about leaving anyone sitting pouting on the couch. If I want to call Beth and talk about all of our totally socially inappropriate thoughts, I can.

But, then, when the family gets around, the questions and comments come up…. “When are you getting married?” “When Jamie has a baby at least Emerson will have someone to play with.” “Are you ever going to bring a boy home?” “BIL would be happy if he had someone to play with.” “I know this nice boy that works up at the grocery store if you want me to introduce you!” “You’re not getting any younger.”

And, although I understand the importance of a biological clock that works, I feel like 22 is a little too young to start worrying about my eggs shrivelling up and falling out of me.

With that being said, I’m off to the store to grab a few bottles of wine, and head to grandma’s house–stag and happy! I’ll be sure to self medicate before the questions start barrelling in.