Another reason my life is like Fergie’s

by jlolb

I’m trapped in a hotel room. Albeit a nice hotel room, I’m still trapped. And it’s sortof cold–perhaps that’s because it’s -20 degrees outside and blizzarding. It is times like these that I thank the PC gods for wifi.

It’s coming upon travel season, and due to a few events, I’m out a bit early. Today’s been pretty lame. That’s not entirely true, I guess…if you count the creepy encounters at creepy gas stations in creepy little towns. I’m driving through the east side of Iowa and I really need to stop. I’m parched, and I need a restroom. So, as I come upon this creepy little town and see this creepy little gas station, I decide that I’ll risk it because who knows when the next civilized looking gas station will appear (um, actually, it was only 4 blocks away–damnit!).

So, I go and half the coolers are empty and unplugged, the shelves are unstocked, and I realize I am the only customer in this building aside from these four old dudes sitting around a table. I wander the perimeter looking for the restroom which happens to be a unisex bathroom with a door that is half as wide as the average door which happens to be a problem because the very large man working behind the counter could clearly not fit through the door to clean the bathroom ever…ever. Ewe. We’re talking the kind of bathroom with the three choice condom dispenser on the wall…So, I mean, we’re talking nasty, skanky little creepy dirty bathroom–the kind where you’ll squat till your thighs disintegrate rather than letting one square inch of your leg touch that disease infested throne. Traumatizing.

Anyway, after I get my senses back, I go to pay and I hand the very large man my money. One of the dudes from the round table pipes up and says, “well, you’re uh looking mighty nice today, miss” And, I’m all like, “Thanks Romeo.” At which point I decided that my creepy feeling might be valid, and I grab my Red Bull and take of sprinting for the door. Phew. I repeatedly beat my head against my window after rolling upon the Casey’s four blocks later.

This is only one of the reasons that travel season, fitting the tone of the rest of my life, is so glamorous.

**There will certainly be more glamor-filled stories in the months to come.