April Bulls*&^

by jlolb

TS and I are done. And he’s one pissed mo-fo. I planned on ending things with him tomorrow, but after looking at my schedule I decided I needed to kick him to the curb, today. The bastard. He retaliated. In the form of a ridiculous April snowstorm that almost killed me. Just when I started to become hopeful for the turning of the seasons–all the muck was washing away and the sun shine warmed the soul. It was a hopeful few days I experienced this week, and then this.

After my last appointment today I started to head back in this direction–towards home. All the while, I watched TS getting further and further from my sight as he looked back in my rearview mirror. My heart was heavy as I watched his form get smaller and smaller on the horizon, but as I looked into the vast future in front of me, I felt better.

Then it started to rain. Shortly after that the temperature dropped about 15 degrees and the rain became thick–not quite snow, but almost. I knew TS had a heart to heart with the gods, and they were all out to get me. A mile later I was driving through the slushiest, slipperiest shit I have seen in weeks. I called TS on his cell phone and when he didn’t answer I left him a very colorful message on his voicemail–I slurred pretty much every curse I could think of and demanded he get his shit together and clean up his act (and this effing snow).

Two miles later, I was driving through the biggest snowflakes I had ever seen. The DJ on the local radio station even busted out “Let it Snow,” I kid you not. TS must’ve got the message and called the gods back. It only got worse. This is APRIL, TS. I realize you’re pissed at me, but I am concerned at your willingness to screw over the rest of the population of this state when they, too, were just getting their hopes up for spring. I don’t know why I ever agreed to date you anyway, TS, you’re a jerk. And us, we’re over. We’re so over we need a new word for over. (Thank you Carrie Bradshaw.) At least until next fall…