B-Squared Sabbatical

by jlolb

Okay folks. It’s official. I am having a major lifestyle renovation. This means I will be knocking two things out of my life that I enjoy the most: boys and booze.

I’m serious. It’s time for a lifestyle change. No more galavanting around at all hours of the night only to wake up and feel like hell. No more waiting for a boy to (not) call on the day of my minor leg operation. I’m done with it. And I don’t know how long this “B-squared Sabbatical” (that’s what I’ve termed it—witty, right!?) will last, but I have to give it a go. I mean, I do like water, and I am sure my system could use a little more of it—maybe my life will turn around once I feel hydrated.

I am going to focus on better things–like riding my bike (if I can get it off the ceiling of the garage), and yoga; I might get back into running and bust out the iPod holder that you can actually run with. Maybe I will learn how to knit, or play the piano. Just maybe…

I know my big sister will be disappointed. We booze when we get together and there is any sort of a family function happening. It’s how we cope. And we have a good time of it. I’m sorry, sister. But you know this will be better in the long run.

I know my brother-in-law will be disappointed as he has been begging me to find a friend for him and keep him around for more than one family function. I’ve broken his heart a thousand times, and I do need to apologize for it. Sorry Clinto. Maybe someday. Just not in the near future. And no, I do not want to date your dad, but thanks for the offer.

And to my dear friends, amazing coworkers, and anyone else I frequent the local pub with–I am sorry. I can have fun and stay sober, you know. So don’t count me out completely. I’m fun. Diet Coke is fun. And I’m a funny kid. I’ll make your drunk arses laugh even without booze on my breath.

I’m not sure many have much faith in my ability to pull this off. My friend told me I needed to draw up a contract to keep myself honest. I’ll let her do the writing–but I will sign it. See, I might have cried wolf once and went on a four day dating sabbatical, so they have reason to be weary. But now, now I’m serious.

So, that’s that, friends. I’m figuring my shit out. I’ll let you know how this goes.