*&%$ it’s cold!

by jlolb

I’m warning, you, I’m grumpy.  Why? Um, the high today is 7.  The windchill right now is -28.  It is flippin’ cold.  It’s cold in my house, it’s cold in the office, it’s cold in the car, and it’s effing cold outside. To make matters worse, the wind is howling like a crazy beeeotch. It’s too cold to get out of bed, it’s too cold to shower, it’s too cold to get ready, and it’s too cold to go outside and go to work.  The only thing I wanted to do this morning was stay in my warm bed. I definitely didn’t want to go to work, but then I remembered I am lucky/thankful/grateful to have a job especially in these times and I got my arse out of bed and to the shower.

The water this morning never got hot–roomie’s BF is pretty sure that our pilot light went out.  “Don’t you girls dare work on that yourself–people get killed that way!” (True story, coworker’s husband’s friend died last week.) I don’t know what roomie’s bf was thinking anyway–the last thing I can imagine either of us doing is walking downstairs with a lighter in our hands looking for a fire to start…no, not quite our style!  He’s a country boy, though–he fixes things (like bent shower rods when people fall into the tub in a drunken stupor and pull the curtain down on top of them–I’m not saying that actually happened, I’m just saying…) and if he didn’t have to get his butt to work this morning, he probably would have went down there and started his own fire.

Next thing on the list of things that aren’t good about this cold weather–our stove is broken.  Now, here’s the thing, roomie and I moved into our place in June.  We got a microwave in July.  It has NEVER worked, and we have been too lazy for the last 6 months to take it back.  Just last week, we decided to go have it worked on.  The very night we took broken microwave back, I decide I want to munch on some tater tots.  I go turn on the oven, roomie and I are standing in the kitchen, and there is a pop, a spark and a weird hissing noise coming from our stove.  I open the door, and there is this little fireball attached to part of the heating element in the bottom of the stove–she turns it off, and I stand there watching amazed.  The fireball starts to subside a little and then what is left starts to sag like moltent lava in a straw…  What now?  Hmm….well, I’m not int he mood for Cheerios, and I am still dead set on tots.  Have you ever cooked tots on the stovetop?  Me either, until the other night.  It works.  They don’t really come out as tots–more like hash browns.  Throw a couple of chicken nuggets in the mix, add a little water for some steam, cover and let cook for about 10 minutes and presto–dinner.  Definitely not classy, but it worked.  And, we are stuck with only the stovetop for who knows how long…

On the bright side, …. who the hell am I trying to kid?  It’s Iowa, there is no bright side in December.  In fact, there is a very dismal, white side–a white side in the form of the 6-8 inches of snow that it costs 25 dollars to get the man to come and scoop for you because you are too lazy to scoop it yourself that we are supposed to be blessed with this evening.  Psh. 

Hope you are all staying warm.  If you don’t hear from me any time soon, it’s because I tried to leave work this afternoon and was frozen in my tracks by the time I actually got to my car.  Send the authorities with a blow dryer to thaw me out…