Today in Jamie-world

by jlolb

My thoughts today:  I can’t believe that today it is colder in Anchorage Alaska than it is in this dear state of Iowa.  coldForget that noise.  Who would ever want to move to Alaska in the first place?  Today I am actually considering it.  Especially due to the disappearance of my asshole glovetens.  Effers. But then I would be in the land of Sarah Palin, and there’s no fucking way I would put myself through that I’m just not sure I could handle that. 

I am also considering becoming a teacher, because they don’t have to go outside in the cold.  They get these things called “snow days.”  They get to stay inside, watch TiVo, drink hot tea in their pajamas and nap. Ridiculous.  Maybe I’ll go into educating the young minds of America.  Yeah right, no one would trust me with THAT responsibility.  In fact, that might be down-right frightening.  I find that I acclimate better to people my terrifiedown age or older. They make more sense.  Children scare the hell out of me.  Unless they belong to my friends/family, then there are a select few that are okay. And the scarier part is that they are drawn to me.  Children, that is.  Children I hardly know think I am kindof cool.  They want me to play with them, read them books, see their collection of rocks and dead bugs—out of a large group, they’ll find me.  What’s the polite way of telling someone that you don’t want to play with their kid? (To any of my friends reading this, I am not talking about YOUR children or your siblings or your sweet nieces and nephews—you know I love them, like Em and little Gracer and Ryder and Sully and Bobo and Daniel and Brea and you get the point—(to all of you reading this, if I left the kids in your life out, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I am mostly talking about the children of strangers or acquaintances, yadda yadda,…wow do I feel like I have opened a can of worms or what?)—those kids, they’re on my “children that I love list.”

On top of it being so cold outside, I went to the chiropractor this morning for a follow up appointment from yesterday to review my x-rays and I am basically a mangled mess of vertebra.  I’m a scoliosis ridden, twisted spine girl—they’ll likely put me in a backbracebrace reminiscent of Lisa Kudrow’s in Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion—you know the one, and before I know it people will be sneaking around sticking magnets to my sorry ass self. I also have forward neck displacement or something like that which means that my body feels like my head weighs twice as much as it actually does—so my dear head is having a 20-22 pound affect on my body, rather than the average human’s 10-12 pounds (I thought the human head weighed 8 pounds, Johnathan Lipnicki—you liar).  So, sign me up for aggressive chiropractic care.  I know, many people don’t believe in them, blah blah, save it, if you had seen my xrays, you’d understand, too.  

I have a date an appointment/conversation scheduled for Friday night to hang out with a particular individual.  It’s a sweatpants and movies appointment.  And I can’t divulge any further information about this particular appointment until I have more information to divulge.  I don’t want to jinx it, so I am not telling you anything.  Until next week.  When there may or may not be something to tell…

Anyway, that’s all.  That’s me.  Today.  Lunch, need to actually go eat it. 

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