Dear Vodka

by jlolb

Dear Vodka,

I know we haven’t gotten along in the past–in fact, there are several times I have written you off and refused your friendship; however, last night, when you showed up at Danielle’s birthday party, I was delighted to see you!  You were there for dinner and then you were there for the rest of the party downtown. 

You met us at the piano bar–I was still thrilled to see you.  I was a little bit bummed, though, that the crowd at said bar was inhibiting us from acquiring a table.  We wanted to sit, and chat, and drink and laugh. So, when you suggested to the group that we head across the street to that bar, we all took you up on this idea.

You see, vodka, I have never been to a gay bar before, so this was a first for me.  I was having a great time–I’m like Kathy Griffin in this, and I love the gays.  I loved making friends with Steve, who I believe is hired there to entertain everyone in his tiny little underwear.  bluemangroupHe was really nice.  I also loved the bartender who made sure my drinks were mixed at a ratio of 5/6ths to 1/6th.  You see, vodka, when you do come around, it’s hard for me to get enough of you. I just want to hang out with you all night.  And when you suggested that I go out on that little platform stage and “drum paint,” I listened to you and I had a great time.

Here are the remnants of the damage done to my clothing and favorite black heels:  dsc008311dsc00835dsc00837

Now don’t get me wrong, vodka.  This was one of the most entertaining experiences of my recent existence.  We all had a blast.  Especially since there were glow sticks involved and black lights and it was a little trippy.

What really pisses me off about you, though, vodka, is when you physically pushed me down.  Yes, that’s right, when I was wrapping up my night and trying to get back to Lucy and Danielle’s apartment, you pushed me down right there in the parking lot.  Subsequently, I was left with an elbow that is missing skin and am feeling very sore this morning.  You then pulled the wool over my eyes and made sure I forgot said fall, and it wasn’t until this morning when I asked Lucy what happened to my arm did I find out the truth.

I love you, vodka, but you left me bruised and with a massive headache this morning.  They say if you love something, let it go…and for now, I have to say goodbye to you, dear friend.  For at least 25 days.  A break will do us wonders.  I have to go now, I have laundry to do.

XO

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