by jlolb

I’m not shining all that bright these last couple of days.  Lots of frustrations snowballed into this little, hardly even noticeable to anyone aside from me, avalanche. 

The one that makes me feel like the pressure in my rapidly beating chest is eventually going to cause my heart to explode and leave the inside of my ribcage littered with everything I might have held dear; or the one that makes me feel like that little gremlin who lives burrowed deep in my chest has reached his skinny little arm up my neck and grabbed ahold of windpipe but his fingers are a little weak so I can still breathe, but just barely.  That’s how the avalanche feels.

And it took my light.  You know, the light that makes people enjoy being around you, the one that makes them laugh.  Instead, I feel like this force field of negative energy and when people don’t want to continue a conversation as they normally would, I can hardly blame them.  Becuase I hate it when people act like I’ve been acting and I’m usually the person who does the walking away lest I become sucked into that negative quicksand.  It’s contagious, you know, negativity.  Last night, I took it to the treadmill and tried to run out of it and I think I made headway because I am feeling a little better today, but not entirely back.

I am not this person.

I’ve got to shake this.

Image found here