I’m having one…

by jlolb

I’m having one of those days.  The “raw” kind.  Where everything feels exposed and tender and just a little off balance.  The kind where I woke up with a headache from all of the vodka I consumed at my friend’s birthday party last night and try as I might, it’s just not going away.  It’s the kind of day when my coffee-first-date bailed 20 minutes before we were to meet and then the thoughts of “Really, when is this whole thing just going to be easy? When am I actually going to find someone and it just clicks and then there’s no more thinking involved?”  Because dating blows, and dates bailing on you blows even more.

I don’t know.  I think I’m generally pretty good at staying positive and knowing that if I offer up good energy, I’ll get good back.  And I have–don’t get me wrong, this is not some “woe is me” thing–I’ve got a fantastic family, couldn’t ask for better friends, a job I enjoy and the freedom to live this life like I want to.  It’s just, some days, it seems like there’s something missing and on the “raw” days, that comes to the forefront.  Like, gets right in my face and won’t go away and I want to punch it a little bit but I’m not sure what exactly it’s got in its arsenal and I don’t know exactly if I’m strong enough to kick it’s ass or if it’s going to kick mine, so I sort of just back away slowly and hope it will go away.  

It’s just one of those days.  The kind that aren’t particularly eloquent and the poetry of it all just feels a little choppy and unfinished.  Much like this post.